Today I went to the salon to trim my messy and hard to manage short hair.
The hairdresser was chatting loudly with an older woman in her sixties who was sitting next to me. She was declaring proudly that she told her daughter who was getting married that she will not help her care for her children if there is one. She has more important things to do, like work. This whole conversation goes on and on about why she think the older woman should make such choices too. Bla bla bla, bla bla bla……
I feel really sad listening to such a conversation. I can imagine my own mother saying those exact words.
It’s a personal choice, yes it is. And the mothers of course have a right to make those choices. It is their lives anyway. They probably have never taken care of their own children anyway. Those days they have their parents, in-laws, neighbours (nannies) or relatives to help them care for their kids. Why should they sacrifice and care for their grandchildren now?
So their generation put career in the first place.
Due to that, many mothers of our generation quit our jobs to care for our children. We are more educated than our mothers, many of us receive tertiary education, unlike most of our mothers who probably can only afford to complete secondary school at best. Yet we see our children to be more important than our career. In some people’s eyes, like my parents, that is a stupid choice to make. And probably a lazy choice because we do not want to work.
It is so ironical. Everytime I think about it, I feel a deep sense of lost.
I used to think that my mother will help me care for my children. I will provide for her. I can also hire a maid to lighten her load. But I only trust her with my children because I know whatever she does, she will do her best for them. Then as she grows old and incapable of caring for my children anymore, I will continue to care for her, like how she cares for my children. And because I continue to work throughout this whole period, I will be able to afford taking care of her financial or medical needs.
That is just a thought. I will still care for her as she is my mother, but I need to do within my means, because I need to look after my primary family as my first and utmost priority. Living on a single income also changes a lot of things.
And this is only what you see on the surface. Many things such as feelings have changed beneath as well. There will always be people who uses big words and big statements to claim that they know best and know everything. They think they know what you are going through and how wrong you are in some things you have done. These people who make so much noises are wrong themselves. The relationship between 2 person (be it mother or child or something else) can really only be commented by that 2 persons. The rest of the people can only be a bystander, because you never really know what has happened. Listen to one side of the story, you probably can just take it as a story-telling session.
Okay, going to end here. Have said too much and unneccesary stuff. But you know what, it’s my journal, my blog. Stop reading if you think you are offended. Good night and goodbye for good.