Will get better

It has been a pretty bad week.

I did mention about it in my last post. But little did I know, right after publishing that post while little man was sleeping, he woke up suddenly, cried badly for Mama, and wouldn’t go back to sleep unless I stay with him.

Little man has been sleeping on his own since he was born. We have a baby monitor to keep us aware of his needs, hence very rarely do we sleep with him through the night. However, he was very adamant about having me with him. He woke up almost every half an hour to check if I was still with him. He would ask me to sleep with him on his bed, and then when he feels that he has not much space for himself, he would ask me to sleep on the mattress on the floor again. This went on for a couple of times that night. The both of us ended up with very little sleep.

The next morning, little man put up a “fight” to put on his uniform. At one point only with his diapers on, he ran away with his uniform and attempted to throw them away. I don’t know how we manage to get him to brush his teeth, drink his “milk-disguised milo”, put on his uniform and eventually leave the house. The “Majulah Singapura” MV and his teddy bear accompanying him to school must have played a big part in this major accomplishment.

That following night, history repeated itself, but just much earlier. As usual, Hubby was tending to little man while I took a bath. While in the bathroom, I suddenly hear a familiar cry. Then it came nearer and nearer to me, waiting just outside the bathroom door. I had to come out in a towel and pacify him before dressing myself. The rest of the night was like the last, just a little better because I was too tired to hear him waking up to look for me. I think in my dreams I did ask him to go back to sleep a couple of times.

By Friday, I was becoming a very easily-irritated zombie.

Like the past few days, little man was extremely cranky and highly emotional. He would cry at nothing and want nothing. Sometimes I think he just want to vent his frustrations. He became very volatile. Anything that goes against what he want, he would want to “hit” that thing/person. My sister, his favourite person other than his parents, overheard him being angry at his giraffe toy while he was going to bed. The conversation went something like this.

“Giraffe,这是我的抱枕,你不可以拿!” (Giraffe, this is my bolster! You cannot take it!)

Then he grabbed his bolster and turned the other way angrily.

“你坏蛋!打架!” (You are a bad boy! Fight!)

Then he threw the giraffe over his bed-guard onto the floor.

打架 is a term he sometimes used when he is angry and he wants to warn the person who is making him angry to back off. He rarely hit anyone physically, only show the action of hitting in the air. I think he learnt that from his favourite documentary “A walk with the dinosaur”. He would always tell me this term when the dinosaurs chase after one another. I will always try to explain to him that it is not right to fight, and most of the time he understands. But now it seems that he cannot quite control his emotions.

All these while, I have been trying to tell myself to be more understanding towards him. Somehow my baby has plenty of pent-up frustrations because he doesn’t understand why Mama wants to send him away every day. He is only two-year old. Such complicated emotions are beyond his ability to control. But that Friday evening, I lost it when he swept away the cup of papaya juice I made for him, creating a mess of himself and the dining table.

I grabbed, put him in the shower area and scolded him very harshly. When emotions almost washed away my rationality, I almost took the shower spray to spray at him. That moment, I suddenly saw my baby shivering and crying in fear and frustration. I have never seen him like that before. I stepped back, went out of the toilet and took a while to calm myself down. When I felt better, I went in and gave him a tight long hug until he stopped crying.

That night, when Hubby came back, I told him what happened. I felt so emotional to relive what happen. I must have been really tired due to the lack of sleep, yet that is not enough reason for me to treat little man like that. Hubby and I both agree that this is only a phase for little man, and we have to show him more patience and love while walking through this with him.

Little man has been a good boy. This message was once again shown to me strong and clear when sister was running through some of little man’s past videos through his two years. He has always been a good boy, although he can be stubborn and playful at times. But he will always listen to us when we try to explain to him about rights and wrongs. He will learn and he is able to repeat what we say to himself or others who try to do the wrongs.

This is only a phase, we should not judge him because of this. He is learning how to understand his emotions and expressing them without throwing a tantrum. It is not easy, even for adults. We must be more forgiving.

I am trying hard. And I hope instead of being drawn into his turmoil of emotions and become emotional together with him, I can be his pillar of support and love, just like what Hubby has been for us.

My little koala

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