To my little man & little pea

My dearest darling J,

Mama has been wanting to write to you for the longest time. But every time something will crop up, either you are sick, or your eczema starts to act up. And then Mama has not been feeling the greatest lately.

You are almost 2 months past three now. Time flies. Mama often go back to your old photos and videos, and wonder where has all the time gone to.

You are such an adorable, playful little boy. Acting like a three-nager at times, and then wanting to be a sticky baby again whenever your emotions get to you.

Mama understands that it has not been easy for you, accepting this foreign idea that there will be a new addition to the family who is likely to contest your status in the family. Mama is sorry that the news make you sensitive little soul so unsettled. It breaks Mama’s heart to see you like that. But you are getting to understand that this new addition will not change Mama and Papa’s love for you. In fact, the existence of little pea in Mama’s tummy constantly reminds Mama how deep my love is for you.

Mama hopes you had fun when we brought you to Pororo Park and Sentosa. Seeing you happy and contented is the greatest joy I can have. As little pea gets bigger, Mama will not be able to do a lot of things with you. But please, never doubt Mama’s love for you.

Mama loves you so much, Mama is willing to suffer all that you are suffering on your behalf. The love Mama feels for you is just so overwhelming and beyond words. I wonder if you will ever understand.

Please be well, my little man.

Be strong, be happy, and be well.

Mama will always be with you every step of this journey.

Like what I always tell you, “不用担心,妈妈一直会在这里。”

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To my little pea,

This is the first time Mama has written to you (and about you).

You are 16 weeks now. Very often, Mama wonders how you are doing inside.

Mama is sorry that I have not been doing much for you, Mama has been very busy with Korkor.

Mama is also very sorry that I have not been able to give you as much nutrients as I did for your Korkor. Mama has been throwing up very badly, and not able to eat well. It has also been difficult for Mama to down the supplements Dr Tham has prescribed Mama for you. But Mama will try. Please be well too.

That night, Mama was telling Papa that if you have been a strong baby, despite Mama’s insecurities about you. (Mama kept wondering if you are still well, alive and breathing in Mama’s tummy). Mama wants to give you a name that reflects that. No matter what silly thoughts Mama may have throughout this period, please continue to remain strong and healthy.

Mama, your Korkor, Ah-yi and Popo will see you next week. Show us a strong heartbeat alright? And if you can, show us your little thingy to confirm the blood test results?

Mama loves you too.

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