A mother’s guilt

I woke up this morning, missing my little man very much. A sudden overwhelming emotion came over me and brought my heart down to the bottom. It must be the lack of sleep and the adjusting hormones that are causing all these.

My little man just left for school an hour ago. I did not manage to bid him goodbye with kisses and hugs at the door, something I would have done before little pea came along. I was exhausted, lying in bed, hoping to catch more winks. Before I realised it, little man and Hubby left the house. Many times this morning, little man called out to me. I was either busy with little pea, or unable to get myself out of bed because my head felt so heavy. Before he left for school, he came to my bedroom door calling out to me for the last time. I beckoned him to come onto the bed to sit beside me. But he did not. And then he left for school.

I really miss little man so much. I miss spending time with him, reading to him and playing with him. He has been such a good boy and a loving brother ever since little pea came into our lives. Yet, I am unable to spend more time with him. Every night, I make sure I spend a little time with him to pray and tell him how much I love him. And I wonder if he truly understands how much I love him, and how sad I feel not able to spend more time with him.

My dear little man, bear with Mama until your little brother learns to sleep through the night alright? Mama needs to regain her sleep and sanity while we try to figure out a schedule that can work best for all of us. Mama loves you so much. Don’t ever doubt that.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: