A bad scare

Waiting for little pea to wake up for his 3pm milk as I am typing this post. It’s been a month since his birth and I am constantly amazed by how Hubby and I are surviving on so little sleep.

Even though I ate very healthy and clean throughout my pregnancy with little pea, he did not come out problem-free. He was very colicky on the first day of his birth and did not manage to pee until the next day of our hospital stay. Then he developed very bad baby acne and reflux issues subsequently. He is constantly crying after feed, arching his back in pain. He also has trouble burping the air out. Ironically, little man was a much healthier baby than little pea is.

Earlier in the week, little pea was suddenly pooing more than usual, and they were mushy and green. I was so worried, but because we were having an appointment with the pediatrician the next day, I did not bring him to see the doctor immediately. And so, we went for his appointment the next morning, full of queries and worries. Little did we know, the “diarrhea” is the least of his problems.

At the clinic, I was trying to tell the pediatrician about my worries when she solemnly started telling me about a heart murmur she heard when examining little pea. I remember looking blankly at her as if she was speaking a foreign language. When all finally sank in, I was trying hard not to cry.

A heart murmur. A probable hole in his heart. Or some other serious issues. I had so many things running through my mind.

The pediatrician then consoled me that it is probably nothing, but it’s better for us to take little pea to a specialist to do an ultrasound. She started telling me the difference in costs between going to the polyclinic to get a referral to KKH and going straight to a private specialist. “It’s really no hurry”, she said. “But if you want, you can probably get an appointment with the private specialist later in the afternoon.”

Throughout the journey back home, my mom and I were very quiet. I was silently tearing while baby-carrying my little pea. After discussing with Hubby, we decided to bring little pea immediately to the private cardio specialist later in the afternoon. I was praying so hard throughout the ultrasound. Fortunately, everything was working fine in his tiny little heart, except that at certain points of his blood vessels, there is higher pressure than normal. It is likely that these difference in pressure is causing the heart murmur. We were told to go back for a review 6 months later.

It was such a bad scare. But it was also a reminder that as long as this little life is strong and healthy, it does not matter how many more sleep-deprived nights we are going to have, because these are all happy problems. Nothing really matters as long as we are all safe and healthy.

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