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28 weeks

This week has been a really tiring week, with little man being sick again right at the beginning of the month. It’s deja vu every month, and it’s really taking a toil on all our health (yes, caretakers are definitely affected due to the lack of sleep as well.

A colleague whose daughter was hospitalised during this period, told me that the doctors at KKH said that ever since the start of the year, there are so many children getting serious viral infections, hence had to be hospitalised. And the situation is just getting worse with the bad weather and incoming haze situation.

Anyway, we decided to give this highly recommended tcm physician a try tomorrow. Hopefully, he can make a difference to little man’s health and eczema situation. Will update more as we go along.

A visit to the gynea on Thursday also put my mind at ease about my “possible” gestational diabetes situation. I am within the range and do not need to be on special diet or test my blood every day. But because little pea is still on the higher range of normal, Dr Tham told me to continue watch my diet. I was still happily asking him if I can take durian if I pass the test, because I have great plans to go to Goodwood Park to buy some durian pastries. But he said no immediately. Oh well, I guess it’s alright. I am not exactly a big fan of durians, but you know, it’s human nature to crave for things you cannot have.

Anyway, I am just very happy to hear the news, hence I am going to indulge a little bit for the next few days. But because I certainly do not want the case of a big baby (read: caesarean) and gaining too much weight like I did for my first pregnancy, I will still try to keep my carbs and sugar down, eating more vegetables and protein.

Jiayou little pea. Jiayou Mama. Jiayou little man.

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Mama’s Original Weight: 44.8kg
Mama’s Weight at Week 28: 53.2kg (Gained 0.3kg in 3 weeks)
Little Pea’s Weight at Week 28: 1.251kg (Gained 0.265kg in 3 weeks)

Sleepless night

Have not been sleeping well ever since my second trimester. Either I am plagued by ridiculous dreams that make me wake up feeling so angry and upset I could not get back to sleep, or sleep would be interrupted by ridiculously full bladder even though I already tried limiting my water intake in the evening.

Last night was one of the worst.

I woke up feeling so sad, and started thinking about the time when I delivered little man.

I was in labour for more than 16 hours, throwing up every other minute due to the epidural. By the time little man finally came out, I was totally drained. I remembered vividly that the nurse brought little man to me, asking if I wanted to carry him. I told her no, and she swiftly carried little man away from my sight.

Till this day, this is one of my biggest regrets in life, and it will always be. I actually refused my firstborn. Yet at that point in time, it did not occur to me that I do not actually need to “carry” him. He just needs to lie on my chest and stay close to Mama. He just came to this world and would of course be close to his Mama rather than some strangers.

But nothing can bring that moment back again. The moment that I rejected my baby.

Thinking about that brought tears to my eyes. There were so many wrong decisions I have made as a first-time Mama, some of which affected his health in his early years, like the decision to put him in Infant-care, and the decision to apply steroids on him.

I started praying hard for God to be merciful and undo the wrongs I have done. I prayed for little man to be well and strong, and prayed for little pea and I to get through the last trimester safe and sound.

And I turned over to the man whom I love so much, whose thunderous snores also kept me from falling back to sleep, and then plant a kiss on him which miraculously quieten him down, and then tried to get back to sleep.

26/27 weeks and 8 months

Hey there.

We have been away for a long time, mainly because the blog has been down for a while due to technical issues, and also because we have been very busy.

I don’t know where time has gone to, but we are now on our way into the 3rd trimester.

The first 2 trimesters have been really tiring. To top it up, little man caught a horrible bug from his Speech & Drama class, and has been very sick for an entire week just before Chinese New Year. Due to the hovering fever that wouldn’t come down, Hubby and I did not sleep well for the entire week. Being extremely lack of sleep but still dragging myself to work the entire time, I eventually broke down a couple of times. And having Chinese New Year so near and us so unprepared, did not make things any easier. But I was glad that we survived through it all.

Throughout this period, little pea grows well. Too well, in fact. In my last gynea visit, I was ordered to go on a low-carbs, low-sugar diet because little pea was bigger than most. Dr Tham was worried that I would not be able to pass my glucose test that is coming in 3 weeks’ time. This put quite a bit of stress on me, because on the contrary to what Dr Tham believed, I was already eating quite clean and healthy as compared to most. My only indulgence is a packet of Chrysanthemum Tea every evening after dinner. Although I have to admit, somehow I was constantly hungry when I was at work, and I had to snack because I was worried I might faint (which happened in my first pregnancy).

As I do more research on gestational diabetes, I understand better how to adjust my diet. Now, I will prepare a lunchbox full of vegetables so that I can snack on them in between breakfast (at about 7.45am) and lunch (at about 1.45pm). I also snack on mixed nuts whenever I had to. It is a pity I had to limit my fruits intake, because surprisingly, fruits and fruit juice are a no-no due to its sugar level. I am also ordering food delivery from “Food Matters” to my workplace so that I can eat better and cleaner. Perhaps another post for this another day. Now I am just praying that all will be well in my next gynea visit.

Here’s a clear ultrascan of chubby little pea. Not sure if you can see it, but it shows a clear image of his face.

Mama’s Original Weight: 44.8kg
Mama’s Weight at Week 25: 52.9kg
Little Pea’s Weight at Week 25: 986g

In other news, little man is now 8 months steroid-free.

His eczema is definitely spreading, although he is looking so much better now and his skin is feeling so much softer to touch as compared to the past 8 months.

Somehow, I feel we are at a bottle-neck again as his naturopath is back in Canada for maternity leave and I feel that her replacement is not as good. Naturopath is not cheap and I wonder if I should continue with the replacement, try another TCM practitioner or holistic doctor recommended by some, or just wait it out. Based on many successful stories, time plays a part too. The damaged gut and body need time to heal. But sometimes I am just too anxious for little man to be well before little pea comes into the picture. I am not sure if I can deal with too many things on my plate when that happens. Based on my previous pregnancy experience, postnatal blues is very real and can do things to your mind you never knew.

Anyway, I am too tired to think about this now. May God show us the right path as we slowly journey forward.

A few pictures to show his condition, although pictures often do not tell the whole story.

7th Dec 2015

7th Feb 2016

You know, actually work has been really shitty. No, let me correct that, some people at work has been really shitty. The most shitty part of it all is that, you have no full idea what exactly they have done or said behind your back to put you in the dire situation that you are in currently. And they do that based on one simple reason, they do not like you, so does their clique. It sounded so childish but at the same time, you know that it is such childish play that could land you in muddy waters.

But every time when I come home feeling tired of trying to be strong and hiding my anger, and I look at my little man who has been such a good boy, and so optimistic and happy despite his eczema discomfort, my Hubby who has been doing so much for us and our growing family despite his own tiring work and little pea who is getting so much stronger with his kicks, I feel like nothing else really matters. Because shitty work is just a very small part of my life. And putting that aside, I am grateful for everything good that has come to me, including good friends and colleagues who make the shit more bearable.

Language of love

We were having dinner.

Hubby and little man had a bowl of Wanton noodles each. Ever since my pregnancy, I was not able to eat much in the evening. Hence, I told Hubby not to buy for me, I will just eat whatever little man left over.

Little man loves his eggs, so each bowl of noodles came with a braised egg each. He was delighted to see an egg for dinner and requested to eat the entire egg. I obliged.

Hubby saw that and gave his egg to me. Little man asked why. Hubby told little man because I do not have any egg to eat. Upon hearing that, little man scooped up a quarter of his egg without a second thought and wanted to feed me. That instant, I was very touched by his gesture.

I realised that children learn to love, by observing the adults closest to them. Little man was learning from his Papa, how to love his Mama.

This realisation is important. We must constantly remind ourselves to watch our language and behaviours in front of the little ones. We may not realise it, but eventually, one day, we will see ourselves in them.

Goodbye and Hello

And so, we have come to the end of 2015.

Hubby has been saying how unlucky this year has been for us. Personally, I don’t feel too strongly about that. The only unfortunate thing that keeps bugging me for the entire year is little man’s eczema situation. It has brought me to a whole new level of paranoia and weariness of motherhood.

Yet I am extremely grateful, in spite of all the tears, heartbreaks and unanswered prayers. Yes, 2015 is not a great year, but I am grateful for all the wonderful people who have come to make things better. And this definitely include selfless loved ones who offer their love and help so generously. We are able to move forward because of all of you.

I am grateful because I know things could be worse. And I believe that You are watching over us, as we tread this journey You lay out for us. And I wanted to believe that there will be light at the end of it.

I am grateful because we have come to the end of the year, safe and sound. Our families, friends and loved ones have all come to the end of the year, safe and sound.

May 2016 be a good year for all of us. May we spend the year in good health and happiness. Nothing else matters.

Welcome to the boys club

As aptly put by my cousin who has three boys of her own.

But there is no way I am going to have three boys. Two are enough, be it girl or boy. They now have company for each other when Hubby and I get older, and that is the only thing I am concerned about.

Actually, we sort of know the baby’s gender rather early back in Week 13. We had the Panorama Test (blood test) done because of my age, and thank God, all is well. But I was in denial. Haha. I refused to believe the nurse (who sounded pretty blur in the phone conversation by the way) and told Hubby that I must see (the penis) to believe.

Yes, I cannot lie. I was disappointed. All signs gave me hope for a girl. But now, I actually feel that it might not be a bad thing for the second child to be a boy again for the following reasons:

  1. I can safely target on a single gender Primary school.
  2. There is no need to buy most clothes and toys. There is no need to buy more storage for dolls and girly stuff.
  3. There is no need to think about having a separate room for the both of them. Just learn to live with each other (in one bedroom).
  4. I can buy new clothes for little man without feeling too guilty about it. Even if he outgrows it, Didi can still wear.

Yesterday, when the village (sans Hubby) accompanied me to my gynea, Dr Tham, baby was so cooperative and generously opened his legs and showed us his precious. Mother was so amused. I immediately called Hubby after that and told him about it. When we came home, Hubby found out that Dr Tham has not saved the ultrascan images in the thumbdrive. He was so upset and kept complaining that Dr Tham should have checked before returning me the thumbdrive.

Seriously, I didn’t think it’s Dr Tham’s fault as this saving of ultrascans is actually a complimentary service on his part. He has been a wonderful gynea, and NOT an IT guy, I had to remind Hubby. I was really amused by Hubby’s reaction, but I guess he was wanted to see his son’s picture, since that he can’t do it in person.

I am really grateful that everything went well for little pea, although my body was still reacting badly to the pregnancy. But as long as baby is well, I will endure whatever I have to go through.

Stay strong and healthy, my little pea. Mama and Papa love you very much.

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Mama’s Original Weight: 44.8kg
Mama’s Weight at Week 17: 46.6kg

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